first&&last

i met him in July twenty someting year 2006
love at first sight...maybe?
it was something about him. i dont know wat i was or wat it is for tht matter.
it was like he was one of those lights that the flys cant help but swarm around
but be careful not to get too close cuz you'll get burned. lol yea like that.
an asshole he was wen we first met but its weird tht made me even more attracted to him.
man that was a great day.
the best day.
he was the perfect gentlemen asshole. i loved it.
so rude and sweet at the same time. kept me on my toes
it was instant chemisty.butterflies like krzy and a bond that was undeniable.
life happend. as always life always seems to fck up the one good great thing you have going in your life.


i was falling.


off and on. months would go w.o speaking but wen we did it was like we jus saw eachother ystrday.

i finally decided that i've waited long enough for him. we cant be together anytime soon anyways. im tired of hopin and wishin he'll come around but it doesnt matter b.cuz he currently resides an hour and half drive away from me. we're both busy and it jus wont work. no time =/
i've decided im over this whole situation and him...and everytime i say im over it he fckn pops up either in person, phone,or email. either way my heart skips a couple of beats jus the same. i hate how he pops up. randomly. everytime i get focused on someone new or really try to make up my mind to give up on him he pops up. someway somehow. somethin like a radar he has on me. like he has to keep my emotions in check with him. and wen he [telepathically] feels im about to channel them else where....he does a lil cameo appearance in my life. fckn wep.

everytime i see i him i get so happy. i hate it.
♥ my heart starts to beat out my chest and my mind goes racing. i cant breathe && everytime i try to tlk my words wont come out right. ♥
yes. dumb status. im kinda like the nerdy girl who has the crush on the football player and everytime he talks to her she stutters or says something stupid....yea...thts me. =/

i've officially fell...kinda hard to.

i've gotten to deep in this. its scaryweird. [words made as one on purpose]
im not one to usually show or express emotions about loving someone too often.
i love my frens and family. i think niggas are dumb and i tend to treat them as such but he's different. idk idk idk idk.

he's ruinig my life unknowlingly. even tho i say im not; im still waiting on him.
i'll drop my life and everyone in it jus to have a life with him.
[ yea im pretty much fckd cuz im serious]
any dude im talkn to at the moment will suddenly dissapear like majic. it'll be hard to even remember their name in a couple of days.
i mean i wouldnt drop my Ness tho. probably be m.i.a for a few days b4 i break dwn and tell them Mr.youknowho finally woke up. *hehe
other nigga's are time fillers. i guess. i hopn to find someone to measures up since i ccant have wat i really want.
i wouldnt call it settling.
its just taking a different route to "happyness'.
kinda decided a while ago he was the O N E
grr. sometimes i hate wen i make up my mind cuz sometimes i cant even change my mind wen i try to.
i want to change my mind.

sucky situation..."... one thing i've discovered about myself in the past twenty years::
once i've wrapped my mind around an idea or person my mind is already made up.
theres no changing it.
if i hated it then i will always hate it but once i love you i will always love you....yea the passion in my heart goes THAT hard
i'll do like they say in the "hood'? i'll "go hard" for him =]

i will nevr express this emotions again.

the end.